The Haoles

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correct writing
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Hawaiians tell a lot of jokes about the various ethnic groups. Here are a few about the Caucasians (or the Haoles - as they say in Hawai'i):

I'd like to talk to you seriously now, if I may. There is a social problem in Hawaii that is prevalent, but which few are willing to talk about. It's a condition that some of us have that's easy to recognize but extremely difficult to cure. There are symptoms and I am about to tell you a few of them. Listen carefully. I may be talking about you
Do you use Number 57 sunscreen? Do you order mashed potatoes with your teri beef plate? Do you think the Brothers Cazimero are a pair of Hispanic trapeze artists?
If you've answered yes to any one of these questions, then you must face the sobering truth: you are....HAOLE!
Do not be frightened Do not be scared. This condition - also known as the Caucasian Complex or the Honky Syndrome - has been successfully treated. With the help of 'Haoles Anonymous,' Caucasians have learned to live healthy, productive local lives. There are hundreds of recovered haoles walking the streets of Hawaii today thanks to this special support group. Here is an example of treatment:

ANNOUNCER: Before Haoles Anonymous....
'Hello, My name is Brad. Haoleness ran in my family. My mother was a haole, my father too. I live in the Waialae-Kahala district of Honolulu. I voted Republican in the last election......'

ANNOUNCER: After Haole Anonymous....'
'How is zit, brah. My name is Brad. I eat loco moco for breakfast. I engage in conversation with......'

(See, within a few sessions, even hardcore haoles can learn to function in local society.

How many haoles does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to call the electrician, and five to write the environmental impact report.

What's a haole's idea of open-mindedness?
Dating a Canadian.

How can you tell the Haoles in a Pake (Chinese) restaurant?
They're the ones not sharing the food.

How can you tell when it's a haole wedding reception?
The Pake caterer at the end of the line is handing out one finger sandwich and one glass of champagne per person.





Page Update: 22.08.01

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