Beer Troubleshooting
Symptom	Fault	Action
Feet cold and wet	Glass being held at incorrect angle	Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
Feet warm and wet	Improper bladder control	Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training
Beer unusually pale and tasteless	Glass empty	Get someone to buy you another beer
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights	You have fallen over backward	Have yourself leashed to bar
Mouth contains cigarette butts	You have fallen forward	See above
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet	Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face	Retire to restroom, practice in mirror
Floor blurred	You are looking through bottom of empty glass	Get someone to buy you another beer
Floor moving	You are being carried out	Find out if you are being taken to another bar
Room seems unusually dark	Bar has closed	Confirm home address with bartender
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures	Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations	Cover mouth
By: Sandee